Keys to Self

Embracing Solitude: Life on My Terms

Being single, especially in your 30s can feel like navigating uncharted waters; a journey that cannot be found on a map. We often blame ourselves whilst being blinded by the power and force of societal beliefs and ways of thinking. Our world places timelines on relationships, careers, and even happiness, but I’ve learned that thriving as a single person means embracing your unique journey. Let us not forget, that one key doesn’t fit all, and our search should solely be based on one’s individuality and identity. These five empowering lessons didn’t come easily, but they’ve shaped me into the confident, content, and no-nonsense woman I am today.

1. Happiness Is an Inside Job

The younger version of myself believed that external factors brought on optimal happiness; a relationship, for instance, possibly getting everything I wanted or even just the approval from others. But being single has taught me that true happiness starts within, a mere intrinsic choice. Once I stopped waiting for someone else to complete me, I discovered the joy in my company and the freedom to pursue passions that set my soul on fire. Let’s be real, living life solo and on my terms has been a spectacular journey; being alone has made me the happiest believe it or not. There is a joy to be had in your own company, create that happiness list, and take yourself on those solo dates. Get that notepad and write down small intentional activities that bring you joy. Your journal is your best friend, document the time you spend alone.

You are normal. Forget those nonsensical rules about how to live your life and make your principles. Create an atmosphere that nurtures your well-being.

2. It’s Okay to Set Boundaries

Don’t forget your boundaries. These boundaries I speak of come in many forms; especially when facing people who feel entitled to ask you questions like, “How are you single?”, “Why are you still single?” or, the most used line “Don’t you want kids?” Setting boundaries has been a game-changer for me. I’ve learned to respond kindly but firmly, ensuring my peace of mind comes first. Practice saying no without guilt or shame. Whether it’s a nosy question or an obligation that doesn’t serve you, protect your energy and peace unapologetically.

Then, there are those of us with that undeniable zeal for partnership, a yearning for that brainwashed misguided notion of “love”. While love and companionship may be beautiful, they should never come at the cost of self-worth or respect. It’s time we redefine our standards and refuse to settle for subpar partners. There is no room in our lives for a second chance at disrespect, disgrace, shame, abuse, liars, infidelity, being taken for granted, or any form of toxicity. These are not just red flags, but huge warning signs and billboards urging us to protect our peace.

Value yourself enough to recognize that the bare minimum isn’t love. You deserve to be valued from the start. Anyone who doesn’t align with the version of happiness or partnership you desire has no place in your life. Toss the undeserving to the side, step on them, burn those bridges, and embrace the beauty of your own company. Very unapologetically demure.

Above all else, guard your heart. Let go of the past. When something is gone, something better usually comes along. And not if, when that worthy soul comes—someone who meets your standards—they’ll add to your joy, not detract from it. And even if it doesn’t happen for you, remember that it is better to live a life of peace, strength, and authenticity rather than sadness and regret. 

3. Your Time Is Precious—Use It Wisely

Being single gives you the gift of time. I’ve used this phase of my life to invest in self-growth, try new hobbies, and even start this blog! When you’re not splitting your time with a partner, you can focus on building a life that reflects your values and dreams. Dedicate time to things that matter to you, life goes by in the blink of an eye. Pursue those side hustles, travel internationally and locally, or take up a hobby, use this season to explore your full potential.
If someone doesn’t align with your vision and the path you decide to walk, know it is okay to let them go. Close that chapter and redirect that energy to rebuilding the life you deserve. Don’t waste your time on the wrong person, toss aside those who don’t deserve your time.

4. Love Comes in Many Forms

It is often said that the greatest pleasure in life is love, romantic love being the loudest narrative (Eros Love), but I’ve come to cherish other forms of love. The support of my family (Storge Love), the laughter shared with friends (Philia Love), and the quiet moments of self-love (Philauty Love). These connections remind me that I am never truly alone. Nurture your relationships. Reach out to friends and family, plan fun outings, and don’t forget to treat yourself like someone you love.

 5. Growth Happens in the Waiting

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned, it’s that the in-between moments are what matters and where true growth happens. Whether it’s waiting for a relationship, a career breakthrough, or, in my case, the keys to my first home, these seasons are opportunities to build patience, resilience, and trust in the journey. Nothing happens before it’s time, reflect on your growth. Journaling has been a powerful tool to process emotions, celebrate small wins, and remind myself how far I’ve come.